


Are We There Yet?

by Brieoftarth, tarthstar



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: BrienneJaimeRP
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-13 17:02:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 13,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21001118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brieoftarth/pseuds/Brieoftarth, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tarthstar/pseuds/tarthstar
Summary: Posting @lannistertweets & @briennesjourney tweets here, to allow people to catch up on their adventures so far.





	1. Chapter 1

**@lannistertweets** Aug 14

what what the fuck

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

this woman is so tall. who is she

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

oh gods and she's ugly

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

gods my head is killing me. how does tyrion do this? I should ask him when I get back to king's landing.

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

because I'm GOING BACK TO KING'S LANDING NOW I can say that

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

I don't remember this woman's name.

she's even taller up close. how?

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

she's even ruder up close too. still don't remember her name

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

brian? I think her name was brian.

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

it was not brian.

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

you know Cat I'm honestly impressed

I know you're reading this

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

update: tall woman is surprisingly good at rowing

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

update: still rowing tall woman has spoken a total of (3) sentences to me so far

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

I will say. she doesn't seem tired at all. impressive arm strength

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

was that a weird thought?

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

whatever I'm going to take a nap#

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

tall woman kicked us off the boat for a rest I guess even ridiculously muscular women need breaks

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

gods she's really quite enormous it's ridiculous

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

I'm hungry

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

tall woman told me to stop calling her 'tall woman' I agree. it's too simple of a nickname. I'll have to think of something else

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

tried "brian" again

less of a reaction than last time. I can do better

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

"giantess" got a blush out of her. gods, the woman can blush.

doesn't roll off the tongue very well though

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

wench?

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

WENCH.

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

update: the wench does not like her new nickname. she's grinding her teeth so loudly I fear they'll crack. so basically this is excellent

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14 

the wench is giving me the silent treatment. I guess I'll have to fill the silence

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

just wanted to thank Catelyn Stark for sending with me the quietest, most boring woman in Westeros. I'm sure being bored to death is the Northern way of execution

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

WAIT. never mind I think the wench has reached her breaking point are we finally going to see an outburst? will keep everyone updated

* * *

**@briennesjourney **Aug 14

If he calls me wench one more time —

* * *

** @lannistertweets  ** Aug 14 ** ** _Replying to **@briennesjourney**_

good to see there are thoughts going on in that dour head of yours, wench. I was worried you'd gone deaf

**@briennesjourney **Aug 14 

I 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩.

* * *

** @briennesjourney  ** Aug 14

I have utmost respect for Lady Catelyn, but surely leaving this insufferable idiot to rot in a cell would have been the best idea. Or she could have at least gagged him before we left.

* * *

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

she speaks! so you *haven't* taken a vow of silence. do your future plans involve becoming a silent sister?

**@briennesjourney **Aug 14

seen 16:30 PM

* * *

**@lannistertweets** Aug 14_Replying to **@briennesjourney**_

back to the sullen silence. don't worry, wench, I've plenty to talk about.

**@briennesjourney **Aug 14

I don’t care enough to hear anything you have to say, Kingslayer. I promised Lady Catelyn to deliver you to King’s Landing, but I did not promise you would return with your tongue still intact.

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

unchain my hands, and I'll be a good little captive till we reach King's Landing. that seems like a fair trade to me. perhaps I'll even help you row.

**@briennesjourney **Aug 14

Over my dead body, Kingslayer. Besides, look at your arms. 𝘞𝘦𝘢𝘬.

**@lannistertweets **Aug 14

untie me, then, if I'm so weak and helpless. perhaps you could even give me a sword as a comfort. we could see how weak I've really become.

**@briennesjourney **Aug 14

Under Lady Catelyn’s orders, you have to be tied up at all times. I’m not an oathbreaker, unlike *some*.

**@lannistertweets **Aug 15

but of course you aren't. I assume Renly just dropped dead of his own accord.

yes.

**@briennesjourney **Aug 15

What happened to King Renly was a tragedy. Though I failed to protect him, I had *nothing* to do with his demise.

**@lannistertweets **Aug 15

then I suppose the honorable Catelyn Stark picked up a sword and stabbed him to death. wouldn't have expected it from you, Cat! although you always had a temper.

**@briennesjourney** Aug 15

Lady Catelyn would do not such thing. It was — it was a shadow with the face of Stannis Baratheon. I seen so myself.

**@lannistertweets **Aug 15

a *shadow* with the face of *stannis baratheon.* you'll have a future as a mummer when we get back to king's landing.

**@briennesjourney **Aug 15

I saw it myself, I don’t need your snide jokes, thank you very much.

**@lannistertweets **Aug 15

I wish I'd thought of such an excuse when ned stark found me with Aerys' blood on my sword. I'm sure my story would have been better. perhaps I would have said something like: "the skull of Balerion came alive and bit Aerys in two." oh, that's a good one, isn't it?

**@briennesjourney **Aug 15

Very good, Kingslayer. Now shut up, and keep moving.

* * *

**@briennesjourney **Aug 15

Kingslayer is too good for sleeping outside, apparently. The big baby has been crying for an inn for days.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 15 _Replying to **@briennesjourney**_

perhaps if my traveling companion didn't snore loudly enough to wake a dragon.

**@briennesjourney **Aug 15

I do NOT snore.

**@lannistertweets **Aug 15

sure.

**@briennesjourney** Aug 15

shut up.

* * *

**@lannistertweets** Aug 15

see? isn't this more fun than a day of silent rowing?


	2. Chapter 2

**@briennesjourney** Aug 15

he stinks.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 15 _Replying to **@briennesjourney**_

if you don't unchain me and allow me to wash, wench, then you'll have to bathe me yourself. unless that's what you want.

**@briennesjourney** Aug 15

absolutely 𝒏𝒐𝒕. I’m sure you’ll manage to do just fine with the chains on. We’ll stop after another mile and you can wash while I prepare food.

**@lannistertweets **Aug 15

think about it. I'll even scrub your back if you scrub mine. it must be hot in that armor you've been clanking around in.

**@briennesjourney **Aug 15

I don’t want your dirty hands anywhere near me, thank you. You’ll bathe with the chains - if you really are struggling I will assist. Above the waist, *only*.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 15

fine, my lady. let me know if you reconsider.

**@briennesjourney** Aug 15

oh, will you please shut up?

* * *

**@lannistertweets** Aug 15

no need to wrinkle your nose, wench. I'm well aware of the smell. your precious Stark soldiers were too busy mocking me to bring me a bath. so really, who's to blame?

**@briennesjourney **Aug 15

only yourself, Kingslayer.

* * *

**@lannistertweets **Aug 15

the stars here are different than the stars over king's landing.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 15

oh and another thing. THE WENCH SNORES. don't listen if she tells you otherwise

* * *

**@briennesjourney** Aug 15

Hah! It is he that snores!

* * *

**@lannistertweets** Aug 15

GODS. gods. seven hells.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 15

a dream. that was. a dream. I'm going to think about something else now

**@briennesjourney** Aug 15

nightmare?

** @lannistertweets Aug 15 **

...

**@briennesjourney** Aug 15

do you.... want to talk.... about it?

**@lannistertweets** Aug 15

...................?

**@briennesjourney** Aug 15

fine. eat your stew.

**@lannistertweets **Aug 15

ok.

* * *

**@lannistertweets** Aug 15

she must be tired. how can she still be rowing? how strong are those long arms? was that another weird thought?

**@briennesjourney** Aug 15

The harder I row, the faster we get you to King’s Landing, Kingslayer.

** @lannistertweets  ** Aug 15

then by all means, my lady, row on.

* * *

  


**@lannistertweets** Aug 15

have acquired a new fact: the wench is from tarth. lord selwyn tarth's daughter.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 15

in case you didn't know. tarth is a rock in the middle of the sea. nothing except sheep and fish and I suppose one monstrously giant woman who never tire, even when it's hideously sunny and she's been rowing for hours

* * *

**@lannistertweets** Aug 15

it's quiet. I know what would liven the morning up. a song.

@briennesjourney Aug 15 

𝒏𝒐.

**@briennesjourney** Aug 15

how do you shut up a singing fool? I’m going to hit him with this oar. that’ll shut him up, mayhaps.

**@briennesjourney** Aug 15

didn’t work.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 15

serenaded the lady with "The Lusty Lad." have never seen such a blush. "My Featherbed" seemed to suit the lady more. got halfway through "The Rains of Castamere" before I was threatened with a gag.

* * *

**@briennesjourney** Aug 15

if you’d shut your mouth and stop singing those crude songs, perhaps we would go a little faster.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 15

I apologize if my lady's sensibilities were offended. perhaps The Song of the Seven?

**@briennesjourney** Aug 15 

Perhaps not.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 15

"Jenny of Oldstones?"

**@briennesjourney** Aug 15

..... Do you know It’s Always Summer Under the Sea?

**@lannistertweets** Aug 15

no. you just made that one up

**@briennesjourney **Aug 15

I did not. My Lord father and I would sing it at bed time.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 15

well, sing it for us then, wench. I've serenaded us all morning, it's only fair that you take your turn.

**@briennesjourney** Aug 15

Perhaps I will.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 15

excellent. I'm waiting...

**@briennesjourney** Aug 15

I’m not doing it. I’m not giving you more ammunition to mock me, Kingslayer.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 15

Fine. "Jenny of Oldstones" it is.

**@briennesjourney** Aug 15

Alright.

* * *

**@briennesjourney **Aug 15

His voice isn’t... bad.


	3. Chapter 3

**@briennesjourney** Aug 15

Imagine a man of thirty something years still finding flatulence 𝒇𝒖𝒏𝒏𝒚. Lady Catelyn did not warn me I was escorting a child.

* * *

**@lannistertweets** Aug 15

as impressive arm strength as the wench has. she is less skilled at keeping this boat steady. I have a headache

**@briennesjourney** Aug 15

how often are you going to comment on my strength? you seem almost obsessed with my arms.

**@lannistertweets **Aug 15

no. 

shut up.

* * *

**@lannistertweets** Aug 15

it's a nice day to sit in a boat and aimlessly stare at the sky. too bad I don't have someone to. talk to. who will talk back.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 15

it's so stupidly quiet. keep having the sudden temptation to yell. it would almost certainly get us captured but I think it would be worth it to see the look on the wench's face

**@briennesjourney** Aug 15

this man has no impulse control. Seven, help me.

**@briennesjourney** Aug 15

if he sings one more song, he isn’t eating tonight.

* * *

**@lannistertweets** Aug 15

I can't stand this quiet. what should I fill it with

rains of castamere

11%

six maids in a pool

43%

bear and the maiden fair

46%

**@lannistertweets **Aug 16

the bear and the maiden fair it is. I like this one. the tune sticks with you. time to see how the wench feels about it

**@lannistertweets **Aug 16

ah, she's gone all red again.

**@briennesjourney** Aug 16

don’t like it. next.

* * *

**@lannistertweets **Aug 16

currently we are hiding under a bridge, waiting for a farmer to take his cart across. I am impressed at how slowly he can walk.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 16

if the wench's armor didn't clank with every step she takes maybe we wouldn't have to be hiding behind trees and under bridges

**@lannistertweets** Aug 16

just tripped and nearly smashed my face into a tree. wench, it's DARK, let's STOP FOR THE NIGHT.

**@briennesjourney **Aug 16

I would have enjoyed that. Move. We’re not stopping yet.

* * *

**@lannistertweets** Aug 16

at least when it's dark I don't have to see a certain sour-faced wench

**@lannistertweets** Aug 16

at this rate I'm going to crash into every tree, bush, and stump between here and king's landing. we're making enough noise to wake a dragon. it's SO dark.

**@lannistertweets **Aug 16

to lady catelyn stark, I write to you during the darkest night of the year. before I inevitably fall down a hill and break my neck I wanted to say: your sworn sword is a cow

**@lannistertweets** Aug 16

there's an enormous green beetle crawling through the wench's hair.

I'm not going to tell her.

**@lannistertweets **Aug 16

if winter is coming then why is it so horrifically hot today

**@lannistertweets** Aug 16

I do regret one thing I regret that I wasn't there to see Cat explain all of this to Robb Stark.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 16

whistling is just as unacceptable as singing, apparently

**@lannistertweets** Aug 16

I wonder what Tyrion's up to right now

**@lannistertweets** Aug 16

and humming is somehow worse than whistling

**@lannistertweets** Aug 16

now I'm thinking about introducing him to the wench and seeing him wind her up.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 16

the wench keeps burning dinner

* * *

**@lannistertweets** Aug 17

we've been eating fish and dried rations for the past week. the wench just left and came back with a rabbit, which means fresh food, which means I will forgive her for "accidentally" dumping me into the river this morning

* * *

  


**@lannistertweets **Aug 17

the wench talks in her sleep. it's nothing interesting. a lot of "renly" this and "renly" that. sounds miserable. I wouldn't care, really. really it's keeping me up

**@lannistertweets** Aug 17

I don't care, really. and I'm not going to ask about it.

I won't.

* * *

**@briennesjourney** Aug 17

he stinks again.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 17

also if we're playing this game, the wench doesn't smell like roses today either.

**@briennesjourney **Aug 17

no one asked, Kingslayer.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 17

Deigning to speak to me again?

** @briennesjourney ** Aug 17

no.

* * *

**@lannistertweets** Aug 17

the wench does know how to handle a boat. told her this and she looked at me like I’d sprouted wings and started breathing fire. don’t know what she wants from me

**@briennesjourney** Aug 17

Quietness. That is what I want.

**@briennesjourney **Aug 17

for what reason? i have nothing to say to you, Oathbreaker.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 17

it's always "oathbreaker" or "kingslayer." can't you all come up with more creative insults? —you don't remember aerys. you're too young. and therefore, you are very lucky.

**@briennesjourney **Aug 17

It’s always “wench”, can’t *you* come up with something more creative? I know enough to know that you killed your king.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 17

and what a loss for the seven kingdoms that was.

* * *

**@lannistertweets** Aug 17

still on this damned boat. fell asleep and woke up with a bird sitting on my head. the wench did nothing about it but I have proof, at least, that her sour face is capable of changing expressions once in a while


	4. Chapter 4

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

aerys. aerys. aerys. it always comes back to aerys.

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

you'd think he was handing out sweetmeats to the smallfolk and taking orphans into the red keep.

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

the wench needs to understand that a secret mission is meant to be...secret if we let loose every traveler who might recognize the kingslayer and the tallest woman in westeros, the starks will be on our tail like dogs on a scent.

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

the wench is asleep. she looks younger when she's sleeping.

still ugly.

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

...could I chew through these ropes?

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

that’s the first one. my jaw hurts and I’ll never get the taste out of my mouth

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

this was a stupid idea

* * *

**@briennesjourney** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1163110105409314817)

sourced some wine for the Kingslayer. Perhaps he’ll get drunk and sleep for the rest of the day.

* * *

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1163115128415383552)

back in the boat. said I was thirsty and she kept giving me wine. don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing, wench.

* * *

**@briennesjourney** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1163110105409314817)

somehow the wine has made him even more so talkative.

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

Tyrion would be so proud of me. that’s my brother. he likes to drink. I don’t like this wine

**@briennesjourney** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1163110105409314817)

I don’t think anyone would be proud of you. Sleep.

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

you sound like my father. are you sure we’re not related? you’re very blonde.

**@briennesjourney** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1163110105409314817)

no more wine. and eat the bread.

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

you said this was my wine and told me to drink it so I’m going to drink it. tell me about your father. is he also blonde? is Tarth hiding a line of secret Lannisters?

**@briennesjourney** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1163110105409314817)

and now I’m telling you that it’s not your wine and you have to stop drinking it. he was blonde. was mostly white when I left. and no, Tarth only has respectable folks. no Lannister’s there.

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

he allows you to dress in armor and run about the stormlands? interesting. did you know. cersei and I, when we were younger, we swapped clothing and she would run off to my sword lessons and I would learn to embroider. I was good. you can have the wineskin back now it’s empty

**@briennesjourney** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1163110105409314817)

it’s not like i was going to be wed and become a compliant housewife - he’s happy that I’m making myself useful. and is that something you still like to do? dress up in women’s clothing? ... thank you.

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

speak for yourself you’re wearing armor and breeches. last I checked neither of those were for ladies. I’ll bet I’m still better at em-broidering than you, wench. those big hands can’t be very good with a needle.

**@briennesjourney** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1163110105409314817)

my septa would say the same thing.

* * *

**@briennesjourney** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1163128357875343360)

many regrets

* * *

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

gods. this is a lot of wine? Tyrion you would be so proud of me

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

I miss Tyrion. I wonder what he’s doing right now. is he drinking? oh we could both be drinking at the same time this wine is awful how do you do it tyrion

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

this is a lot of wine. at casterly rock cersei once smuggled dornish red from the kitchens. we drank it on the beach and she vomited it all up right into the sunset sea. I laughed but the next day I was so sick the servants sent for a maester AND I had to miss swordplay lessons

* * *

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

how good are you with a sword anyways? that’s what I want to know. never mind embroidery. I have. an idea. rowing is boring let me out of these chains and we’ll spar. I’m so drunk. so that should make it fair

**@briennesjourney** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1163128357875343360)

that’s the most stupid suggestion you’ve made on this whole trip. close your eyes and go to sleep, Oathbreaker. 

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

good gods. my name is Jaime. try to get that into your head. Jaime. and I can’t sleep while you keep rocking the boat. I feel sick

**@briennesjourney** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1163128357875343360)

I know what your name is. We can stop now to eat. But only for a moment or two. Then you have to deal with it.

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

gods be good. finally

* * *

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

be right back I‘m going to throw up

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

I’m dying this has got to be the stupidest way for a Lannister to die poisoned to death by a giantess in the woods in the middle of the fucking Riverlands

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

I can't remember why I thought this would be fun

**@briennesjourney** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1163128357875343360)

please wretch further away

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

have some sympathy for a dying man, wench.

**@briennesjourney** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1163128357875343360)

We’re now a full day behind because you can’t handle a little wine. The sooner I get shot of you and have the Stark girls, the better.

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

have some sympathy for a dying man, wench.

**@briennesjourney** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1163128357875343360)

self-inflicted.

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

I seem to recall a certain armored woman handing me wine every time I asked for water. I'm sure she's around here somewhere. perhaps you can hunt her down, ask why she felt the sudden need to see me drunk.

**@briennesjourney** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1163128357875343360)

I seem to remember a certain long haired, scruffy idiot guzzling the wine like he hadn’t had a drink in several moons. You were supposed to drink it, and then sleep on the boat. Not inhale it, sing, vomit, and THEN pass out whilst we were on land.

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

you act like I deliberately planned to spend an afternoon sick and vomiting. where did you find this wine?? it could knock out my brother tyrion

**@briennesjourney** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1163128357875343360)

tyrion is your brother? you’ve never mentioned it, i would never have known. are you ready to eat yet? i caught another rabbit.

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

as long as it's not burned fish or those horrible rations. and yes, tyrion. I'll thank you to be courteous when you speak of him, if you do.

**@briennesjourney** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1163128357875343360)

it’s rabbit. and I only burned the fish because you wouldn’t stop asking questions about Tarth. if it pleases you, Kingslayer.

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

did you know, I've never met someone who would eat a burned meal rather than answer a few simple questions about their home. is Tarth so ghastly?

**@briennesjourney** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1163128357875343360)

Tarth is a very special isle. It would be a disrespect to my home to describe it to an oathbreaker such as yourself.

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

surely such a pure and special isle can withstand a few tales being told to a very bored kingslayer.

**@briennesjourney** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1163128357875343360)

hmph. perhaps. what would you like to know? 

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

what does it look like, would be a place to start. I've never been.

**@briennesjourney** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1163128357875343360)

It’s.... Its very small, but it is beautiful. Meadows at every turn, the prettiest waterfalls, the bluest water as far as the eye can see. The waterfalls were my favourite part, though.

Galladon and I would play in them for hours. 

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

Galladon? is that a brother?

**@briennesjourney** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1163128357875343360)

Yes.

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

and you were sent off with sword and mail to serve Lord Renly, not him? that's a queer arrangement to make.

**@briennesjourney** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1163128357875343360)

He died, when I was eight. I am my fathers only living child.

You should sleep again. We have to rise early to get back on track.

**@lannistertweets** [Aug 18](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1162877372602781696)

(damn it.)


	5. Chapter 5

**@lannistertweets** Aug 19

sure am glad the wench tied me to the tree with the most splinters

**@briennesjourney** Aug19

do you want to be moved to another? im sure i can move you to the one that’s crawling with spiders. that might be better.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 19

is it really necessary to tie me nightly to a tree, like a captured maiden in a song?

**@briennesjourney** Aug19

yes.

* * *

**@lannistertweets** Aug 19

wake up.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 19

I know you can hear me wench. wake up

**@briennesjourney** Aug19

did you just try to kick me?

**@lannistertweets** Aug 19

yes, thank you for rejoining us. there's a fox going through our rations.

**@briennesjourney** Aug19

dammit

* * *

**@briennesjourney** Aug19

had to shoo away a fox. now we’re almost out of rations. Kingslayer is going to be even more unbearable when he hasn’t been fed.

**@briennesjourney** Aug19

now we have limited supplies, Kingslayer is apparently hungrier than he has ever been.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 19

perhaps if a certain stubborn woman hadn’t pretended to be asleep for the first five times I called her. now we’re going to starve to death

**@briennesjourney** Aug 19

had you said “brienne, there is a fox eating the very little food that we have remaining”, I could’ve acted quicker. or you could have been a little louder to 1) wake me or 2) scare the fox away.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 19

did you actually *look* at that beast? it knew no fear. it nearly bit my toes off when I tried to drive it off. the sight of you with sword in hand barely moved it.

pardon me, my lady, if I didn't wish to shout your name for every other traveler in these woods to hear.

**@briennesjourney** Aug 19

it was practically a kitten. don’t tell me lions are afraid them?

I’m not a lady, stop calling me that. And I was not asking you to scream my name at the top of your lungs, just anything above a mere whisper would have sufficed.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 19

did you somehow miss it snarling at you as you advanced on it with armor and sword?

**@briennesjourney** Aug 19

i couldn’t hear much over your girlish squeals

* * *

**@lannistertweets** Aug 19

can't shake the feeling that we're being followed.

**@briennesjourney** Aug 19

the only thing following us is your stench.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 19

bathe me yourself, if it troubles you. don't you think we're being followed?

**@briennesjourney** Aug 19

i shouldn’t have to. you are a man grown, and should be able to bathe yourself properly. no, i don’t think we’re being followed. why would you think that?

**@lannistertweets** Aug 19

you shackled my hands yourself, wench. it makes it rather hard to scrub. and it's an instinct. we're being watched.

**@briennesjourney** Aug 19

you’re impossible.

**@briennesjourney** Aug 19

..... did you hear that

**@lannistertweets** Aug 19

no. what was it?

**@briennesjourney** Aug 19

i think the fox has came back to nibble on your toes

**@lannistertweets** Aug 19

very funny.

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

**@lannistertweets** Aug 20

I’m not asleep. because the wench is snoring. not because of the fox

**@lannistertweets** Aug 20

if the wench did kill Renly then at least she seems distraught about it. I’ve been hearing his name all night as she sleeps. ...is she crying?

**@briennesjourney** Aug 20

sniffles

**@lannistertweets** Aug 20

she *is.*

**@lannistertweets** Aug 20

wake up. wench.

**@briennesjourney** Aug 20

what is it now?

**@lannistertweets** Aug 20

you. you'll bring every brigand within ten miles to us, if you keep calling renly's name like you were.

**@briennesjourney** Aug 20

I.. I was not.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 20

there's only two of us here, wench, and *I* certainly feel no desire to cry out for renly baratheon.

do you dream of him?

**@briennesjourney** Aug 20

are you going to mock me if I say yes?

**@lannistertweets** Aug 20

no. I can't fault you for loving him. we don't choose the ones we love.

and I'm starting to think that you didn't kill him after all.

**@briennesjourney** Aug 20

I didn’t. I wouldn’t. He was a just and kind king. It was an honour to serve him.

I dream the same thing any time I dream of him. That Stannis’ kills him, but I can’t move. I can’t reach him.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 20

"Stannis' shadow." again.

fine, wench, you're no kingslayer. I certainly never wept for the Mad King like a lost lover.

**@briennesjourney** Aug 20

Lady Catelyn was there. She seen it, too.

I don’t expect you did. You don’t seem to have any compassion.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 20

yes, because I am an honorless, ruthless oathbreaker who shed no tears for his dead king. no one wept when Aerys died, you stupid woman.

good night, wench. do try to keep your dreams away from dear dead Renly. I’d like for us to get some sleep before the sun rises.

* * *

**@briennesjourney** Aug 20

Cannot get back to sleep. Made a short trip whilst Kingslayer sleeps, found some bread. Feel a little..... guilty?

* * *

**@briennesjourney** Aug 20

wake up. there’s bread and the littlest bit of butter left for you.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 20

it cannot possibly be morning yet.

**@briennesjourney** Aug 20

It is. Up, piss, eat. Come on.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 20

a piss, burned toast, and a walk across Westeros’ muddiest forests. how could I resist

**@briennesjourney** Aug 20

burned toast is better than no toast at all.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 20

reasonable. where did this toast come from, anyways? I thought you’d let the fox eat it all.

**@briennesjourney** Aug 20

a shadow with the face of a baker brought it to us.

**@lannistertweets** Aug 20

(a startled, genuine laugh.)

so you do have a sense of humor. well done. didn’t think you had it in you

**@briennesjourney Aug 20**

(her lips curve upwards. not quite a smile; but it’s all he’ll get from her.)

I’m not as dense as you seem to think.

* * *

**@lannistertweets** Aug 20

thank the Seven. praise the old gods and the new. a miracle has occurred. the big wench made a joke

**@lannistertweets** Aug 20

oh. would you look at that. six maids in a pool.

**@briennesjourney Aug 20**

and there i was thinking that you were getting tired of being a pain in the arse.

* * *

**@briennesjourney Aug 20**

he even has a pretty laugh.

**@briennesjourney Aug 20**

it’s annoying.

**@briennesjourney Aug 20**

that was not a compliment.


	7. Chapter 7

**@lannistertweets **

I *told* the wench not to throw those peppers she scavenged into the stew. I *told* her. now I've lost feeling in my mouth and I can't stop fucking crying. if you're wondering where the wench is. she's vomiting into a bush

**@lannistertweets **

she's left me alone for a while.

**@lannistertweets **

if the wench isn’t back in five minutes I’m going to go look. did she fall into a pit?

**@briennesjourney **

𝑫𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆.

**@lannistertweets **

...alright then

**@lannistertweets **

what am I thinking?? I could just run off.

what to do about these chains though

**@briennesjourney **

You’re safer with me than you are alone, shackled, with one sword. I’d also have your head before you could even grasp one of them, even in this sorry state.

And will you please bathe. You’re making me nauseous.

**@lannistertweets**

look at you! you can barely stand without retching. give me a sword and I could beat you with my hands chained, even if you weren’t in such a state.

**@briennesjourney **

i am FINE. I just need to sleep. Will wait till it’s dark. it seems like YOU are the dense one in this duo. im not giving a prisoner a sword. BATHE.

**@lannistertweets**

you’ll have to help me, then. I can’t bathe with my hands shackled and these rags on me. of course, if you’re too ill to assist, you could unchain my hands for now.

**@briennesjourney **

okay. come on over and I’ll unchain you. come on now.

**@lannistertweets**

very well. (he inches closer. why do some people feel the urge to carry two swords? just a few more steps and he'll have it.)

**@briennesjourney **

(she lets him get closer, before she uses every bit of strength in her legs to quickly kick him to the ground)

I’m not giving you the keys, idiot.

(retches once more)

**@lannistertweets**(it’s hard to jump up in shackles, but he manages it. he makes a grab for the sword, crashing his shoulder into her.)

**@briennesjourney **

(grunts, as one hand grabs a fistful of his hair, the other tries to prevent him from grabbing either sword)

I’m *trying* to take you home, Se— Kingslayer.

**@lannistertweets**

(Jaime freezes, for a second, when she yanks his head back. then he trips over her foot and falls into her.)

**@briennesjourney **

(Brienne catches him in both her arms, falling back with a thud, still tightly holding him to her) You’re a /fool/.

**@lannistertweets**

...

......

............

fine, wench, you win for now. let go of me before you vomit into my hair.

**@briennesjourney **

(pushes him away from her and dry heaves to the side)

**@lannistertweets**

...are you fit to travel? if you expire and I’m left shackled and alone in the wilderness for a passing bear to eat

**@briennesjourney **

only good things would come from that.

but I’m fine. we’ll sleep here one more night and then get going again.

i am sorry for not listening to you about the peppers. have you stopped crying yet?

**@lannistertweets**

an apology? goodness. well, I accept it.

and I wasn’t crying. the peppers must have confused you.

**@briennesjourney **

thank you. you are ever so gracious. you were most definitely crying.

**@lannistertweets**

are you going to help me bathe or allow me to sit here and offend your senses?

**@briennesjourney **

I’ll help you.

**@lannistertweets**

excellent. I can finally get out of these rags.

**@briennesjourney **

Keep your small clothes on, please.

**@lannistertweets**

fine. now help me take these off.

**@briennesjourney **

(grumbles under her breath as she helps him shrug off his shirt)

I’ll wash these. I think these stink more than yourself.

**@lannistertweets**

hah. you could use a wash yourself, wench. I’ll scrub your back.

**@briennesjourney **

don’t mock me.

**@lannistertweets**

or you’ll do what?

**@briennesjourney **

I’ll *really* show you how strong I am.

**@lannistertweets**

oh, really?

take off the chains and let’s see who’s stronger, shall we?

**@briennesjourney **

why are you so insistent on fighting? do you really want to see my strength that much? i can guarantee you, within minutes you will yield.

**@lannistertweets**

then toss me a sword and force me to yield.

it’s been ages since I’ve had a proper spar. you’d make as good an opponent as any. I’ll even give you lessons.

**@briennesjourney **

oh, how you make me laugh. I’ve had the finest training, I don’t need your lessons. if we get back to kings landing, we can spar there.

**@lannistertweets**

“The finest training?” I squired for Ser Barristan Selmy and trained with Ser Arthur Dayne. unless The Sword of the Morning is hiding on Tarth, I doubt it.

do you know, I feel like a spar now. you must be getting rusty without a partner. the practice would be good

**@briennesjourney **

please just bathe.

**@lannistertweets**

gods, you’re boring. fine. in I go.

**@briennesjourney **

thank you. remember to scrub behind your ears.

* * *

**@lannistertweets**

well that didn't work. the wench is stronger than she looks. quite strong.

**@lannistertweets**

she’s very strong. for some reason this bothers me.

**@lannistertweets**

if you're wondering how difficult it is to wash in shackles: very

* * *

**@briennesjourney **

Seven, give me strength. Kingslayer has been trying to clean his back for the past twenty minutes, at least. It can’t be that difficult in shackles, surely..

**@briennesjourney **

Ugh, turn around. I’ll wash your bloody back. And your hair, but that’s IT.

**@lannistertweets**

excellent. alright.

**@briennesjourney **

No talking.

**@lannistertweets**

scrub harder. I can still feel the dirt on there.

**@briennesjourney **

any harder and you’ll be red raw for days.

**@lannistertweets**

I want this dirt off my back. do it.

**@briennesjourney **

I’m going as hard as I possibly can.

**@lannistertweets**

GODS. not THAT hard. are you trying to flay me?

**@briennesjourney **

Oh, for goodness sake! I 𝒕𝒐𝒍𝒅 you.

**@lannistertweets**

can you wash my hair now?

**@briennesjourney **

kneel down. and lay back.

**@lannistertweets**

...yes.

(suddenly I feel out of my depth.)

**@lannistertweets**

(this is. not unpleasant)

**@briennesjourney **

(combs her fingers through his hair, washing out the build up of dirt from the past year) didn’t they bathe you at all?

**@lannistertweets**

once. or twice.

**@briennesjourney **

(wrinkles her crooked nose, and dips his head back into the water to wash out the remaining dirt) there. you’re done. go and dry off now so i can wash.

**@lannistertweets**

oh. now?

**@briennesjourney **

yes, now.

**@lannistertweets**

you’ve still got my clothes, wench, and they’re still caked in mud. unless you were hoping to see me lounge around naked. is that what you had in mind?

**@briennesjourney **

that’s *not* what i had in mind. you have smallclothes on. go sit under a tree, and I’ll wash your clothes and leave them to dry for a little while. you can’t wear them wet or you’ll get sick.

**@lannistertweets**

as my lady commands.

(if she leaves the swords on the bank I could grab one. imagine the sight. a sword fight in the river, both of us in our small clothes. what a joke.)

(why am I thinking about this?)

**@briennesjourney **

(he has a weird thought process.

both of them, fighting in their wet tunics...

why is she now thinking of this?)

don’t peek.

**@lannistertweets**

(so she is a woman, under all that armor.)

**@briennesjourney **

eyes on the trees, Kingslayer. Not on me.

**@lannistertweets**

don’t be absurd, wench. as if.

**@briennesjourney **

I can feel your eyes drilling into the back of my head. unless perhaps mr. fox has followed us here?

**@lannistertweets**

you can be quite irritating when you set your mind to it, did you know that?

**@briennesjourney **

in what way am i being irritating? please do elaborate.

**@lannistertweets**

nothing, my lady. please continue your bath. I’ll keep an eye out for intruders, I’d hate to have your virtue tainted

**@briennesjourney **

(sighs through her nose, scrubbing at the dirt on her own skin. It’s extremely hard to bathe with a tunic, she’s learning)

Don’t you tire of mocking me, Kingslayer?

**@lannistertweets**

well, no. not so hard, you'll scrub your own skin off.

**@briennesjourney **

what do you care?

**@lannistertweets**

I'll wager you're even uglier to look at with the skin scrubbed off.

**@briennesjourney **

(frowns gently as she stops scrubbing as hard, and turns her back to him)

(he will not see her upset.)

* * *

**@lannistertweets**

just dreamed the most horrible, terrible, humiliating, stupid dream. no I don’t want to talk about it

**@briennesjourney **

you have woken me up yet again. are you still having nightmares?

**@lannistertweets**

no. it wasn’t a nightmare. go back to sleep.

**@briennesjourney **

then what was it?

**@lannistertweets**

nothing.

**@briennesjourney **

you’re shivering. do you want to share this blanket? it can stretch, i think.

**@lannistertweets**

no. I'm fine over here. no.

* * *

**@lannistertweets**

between these dreams and the nightmares, and the wench’s snoring, I’ll never get to sleep

* * *

**@lannistertweets**

I’ll give the wench credit. once she decides to do something, she does it. for example this morning she seems to have decided to be the most irritating person in the world and she’s accomplishing that quite well


	8. Chapter 8

**@lannistertweets**

it's galling to be led around on a rope like a dog. what if I just sat down and didn't walk? what could the wench do to me?

**@briennesjourney**

wouldn’t it be more galling to be carried around like a maid? because I’ll do it.

**@lannistertweets**

hah. you couldn't and you wouldn't

**@briennesjourney**

shall we try?

**@lannistertweets**

(is she serious?)

**@briennesjourney**

(she will do whatever she has to to fulfil her oath to Lady Catelyn. if that means carrying him bridal style all the way to kings landing, then so be it.)

**@lannistertweets**

(well. now I'm curious to see if she can actually do it.)

**@briennesjourney**

(rolls her eyes and wraps one arm around his shoulder and bends to scoop him up, striding along at her normal pace)

**@lannistertweets**

put me down. now.

**@briennesjourney**

no. if you’re going to sit on the ground and refuse to move, I’ll carry you all the way, like the child you are.

**@lannistertweets**

I'll walk. I feel like a stroll today.

**@briennesjourney**

(throws him down) good. my arms are still aching after all that rowing.


	9. Chapter 9

**@_Limony_**

* smallfolk passes medieval popcorn *

** @bookbraime **

This is quite a show

** @valervergullis **

May I join you?

** @_Limony_ **

let's form a circle, more popcorn? watch out for her sword though @briennesjourney.  she looks very capable with it and this other one @lannistertweets  had some less than friendly suggestions already.

** @lannistertweets **

don't any of you have better things to do? farm, drink, flee from the war at your doorsteps?

** @_Limony_ **

beer's gone, stark army ate all my sheep and wherever I flee I meet more death; I gave up and just want to wander the forest for days on end. are you a lannister?

** @lannistertweets **

—no. if I were, I wouldn't be be here, would I?

** @_Limony_ **

I must have seen you somewhere... you do look familiar...

** @briennesjourney **

(whispers) okay maybe we kill this one but that is IT.

** @lannistertweets **

(whispering) yes, and I suppose the other two will sit happily and watch as you murder their friend.

** @briennesjourney **

(groans)

** @angie_roo2 **

(Settles down in the comfy seats) Oooh, have I missed the toasted nibbles?

** @lannistertweets **

(increasingly pointed glances at the very sharp sword) wench, if you don't do it, I will. I swear by the Seven.

** @_Limony_ **

Watch out, he will choke us in turn with his shackles as we calmly line up * snickers *

** @_Limony_ **

Or he will TALK US TO DEATH like he's trying to do with her * points at 

@briennesjourney.* Don't quite know how she's survived so far!

** @briennesjourney **

(unsheathes her sword) I demand you stop this at ONCE.

**@valervergullis**

Now this is bad.

** @angie_roo2 **

Well that escalated quickly.... small folk exit left

** @_Limony_ **

We stay far away from the mad magnificent woman. She can kick all our asses. Let's not talk.. just follow them quietly, many paces behind, hmm?

** @briennesjourney **

do not mock me, please. I get enough of that from *him*.

** @lannistertweets **

these three are even more stubborn than you are. seven hells. are you going to drive them off or not, wench?

**@angie_roo2**

Ssssssshhhhh, we are not here, your both hallucinating

** @briennesjourney **

..... did you slip us some of those peppers again?

** @lannistertweets **

no. were you *hallucinating?* after you ate those?

** @briennesjourney **

you said you weren’t weeping and that it must’ve been the peppers...?

** @lannistertweets **

no. well, I said that, but. never mind

** @briennesjourney **

so you *were* weeping? you’re very emotional for a man, aren’t you?

** @lannistertweets **

you seem determined to be insufferable today. where’s the quiet, scowling wench I remember?

** @briennesjourney **

maybe i wouldn’t be so insufferable if you weren’t so mean.

** @lannistertweets **

you've been calling me kingslayer and oathbreaker ever since we left the watchful eyes of Catelyn Stark. last I checked, neither of those were my name.

** @briennesjourney **

and the first time you met me, you couldn’t hide your disgust. i hadn’t said a word to you by that point, but all you could do is mock my appearance. just bare in mind that anything you say to me, I’ve heard already, perhaps worse. you’re not funny, you’re just.. 𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒊𝒃𝒍𝒆

** @lannistertweets **

... (damn it. I know that expression. it's how Tyrion used to look, before he learned how to hide it.) ...

** @briennesjourney **

(scowls deeply and clenches her jaw to stop her lower lip trembling) *stop* gaping at me and *move*.


	10. Chapter 10

@lannistertweets  
we're back to sullen silences again tonight.

  
@lannistertweets  
don't feel guilty about it in the slightest

  
@lannistertweets  
if you could see me now, Tyrion. feeling guilty over an armored giantess from Tarth. in my defense, there is not much else for me to do

  
@lannistertweets  
great. she's dreaming of renly again.

  
@lannistertweets  
she's crying again.

  
@lannistertweets  
good gods. she's thrashing about. kicking her blankets all over the place.   
perhaps I should leave her be.

  
@lannistertweets  
never mind, I was almost just kicked in the face, @briennesjourney, WENCH. wake up. you're having a nightmare.

  
@briennesjourney  
(she doesn’t wake up, just whimpers quietly and shifts so that her head is in his lap)

  
@lannistertweets  
...lovely. 

(absently pats her head) 

If Father could see me now.

@briennesjourney  
(smiles in her sleep, leaning into his touch. nightmares have ceased.)

@lannistertweets  
gods she has a heavy head.

@briennesjourney  
(wakes up with a happy sigh, before realising her current position and scrambles away from him. her cheeks blotched with a pink blush)   
you should have woken me.

@lannistertweets  
I tried. for my troubles, you nearly kicked my face in.

@briennesjourney  
must’ve deserved it.

* * *

  
@lannistertweets  
I am alive and drunk on sunlight but I think I may be getting a sunburn

  
@briennesjourney  
Kingslayers nose is extremely pink.

  
@briennesjourney  
And his arms. Really want to slap them.

  
@lannistertweets  
is that why you’ve been staring at me? I thought you were overcome by a sudden appreciation for my face.

@briennesjourney  
no, just concerned about the blisters popping up on your nose.

@lannistertweets  
damn it.

@briennesjourney  
get in the shade.   
(tugs at the rope)

@lannistertweets  
I’m coming, you don’t have to pull me around like a mule.

@briennesjourney  
it seems like i do, because you’re the slowest walker. i have armour that weighs a ton on and i still have a quicker stride than you. come *on*.


	11. Chapter 11

@briennesjourney  
He’s awfully quiet this afternoon. Sun must’ve got to him.

@briennesjourney  
The seven really do answer prayers. Rejoice!

@lannistertweets  
my face hurts.

@lannistertweets  
I'm going to be the first Lannister to die of heatstroke if we don't stop for a break soon.

@briennesjourney  
wait I think he really does have heatstroke

@lannistertweets  
would have appreciated this realization half an hour ago

@briennesjourney  
you complain too much for me to know when you are serious or not. do you need more water?

@lannistertweets  
yes.

@briennesjourney  
you really are sweating.

@lannistertweets  
yes.

@briennesjourney  
don’t drink the water so fast or you’ll heave.

@lannistertweets  
mmm.

@briennesjourney  
you should walk in the sun more often

@lannistertweets  
shut up.

@briennesjourney  
don’t be rude.

@lannistertweets  
mmhmm.

* * *

  
@lannistertweets  
heatstroke. ridiculous. Tyrion is going to laugh himself sick when I get back to King's Landing. if I get back

@lannistertweets  
the wench has taken to practicing swordplay drills in the morning. good footwork, actually, even if she lifts her left elbow a little too much

* * *

  
@briennesjourney  
Jaime Lannister, what a brilliant swordsman, they said. Jaime Lannister, the most handsome knight in all of Westeros, they said. 

Everyone seems to neglect the fact that this man is the biggest child to ever live.

* * *

  
@lannistertweets  
(had another stupid horrible dream. I’ve been without a woman for too long. that must be it. that’s the only explanation.)

@briennesjourney  
everything okay over there?

@lannistertweets  
YES. go back to your drills. did you know that you keep raising your left elbow? you should really work on that.

@briennesjourney  
okay, okay, I was just asking! *fine*. you just look a little ... frustrated?

@lannistertweets  
you would be frustrated too if you’d been shackled and tied to a post for the past year. now go back to your drills.

* * *

@briennesjourney  
the old man is grumpy this morning.

@lannistertweets  
old?????????????????

@briennesjourney  
Old.

@lannistertweets  
Old!?

@briennesjourney  
do you want me to shout it?   
OLD.

@lannistertweets  
(silent fuming)

@briennesjourney  
(smirks. she’s pretty pleased with herself.)

* * *

@briennesjourney  
old man is upset

@lannistertweets  
cannot wait to be back in king's landing. cannot wait

@briennesjourney  
Replying to 

@lannistertweets  
(yanks on the rope) well, move along. i know your old legs can’t keep up, but do try a little harder, please.

@lannistertweets  
I liked you better when you were sullen and quiet, do you know that?

@briennesjourney  
well, you shouldn’t have provoked me.

@lannistertweets  
do you assume that all people who are trying to converse with you are provoking you, or do you have a special hatred for Lannisters?

@briennesjourney  
I have a special hatred for men who call me ugly, who call me a beast, who think it’s alright to mock someone because of the way they *look*. if the shoe fits, Lannister, wear it.

@lannistertweets  
...

.........

................yes, that was not courteous of me, wasn’t it?

@briennesjourney  
(shoves him with her shoulder) just *move*. i don’t *care* anyway. words are wind.

@lannistertweets  
of course you don’t care. that’s why you’ve been angry and shoving me around all day.

@briennesjourney  
shut up.

* * *

  
@lannistertweets  
the skin on my face is peeling. I suppose at least I won’t be recognized now. on the other hand: ew

* * *

  
@lannistertweets  
I assume we're just going to continue our journey in silence now. fine. not like I wanted to talk to someone, anyways

* * *

  
@briennesjourney  
an apple fell onto kingslayers head. he seems to think i threw it. i wish i had.

@lannistertweets  
having fruit thrown at my head is far from the worst thing to happen to me lately. just own up to it

@briennesjourney  
oh poor you. look above you, idiot. there’s an abundance of apple trees. i did not throw it.  
(throws one at the back of his head)   
see? they’re dropping as we speak.

@lannistertweets  
funny.  
as long as we don't eat apples again tonight.

@briennesjourney  
sorry to disappoint, but you’re having apples and I’m having stew.

@lannistertweets  
never thought I'd see the day where I'm missing that stew you make.

@briennesjourney  
I’m sure you’d prefer the apples.

@lannistertweets  
I did, the first day. apples for four days straight is wearing on me.

* * *

  
@briennesjourney  
Hm. I do have enough rabbit for both of us.   
does jaime get stew or apples this evening?  
stew - 41.1%  
apples - 10.7%  
apple stew - 48.2%

@briennesjourney  
looks like it’s apple stew for you.

@lannistertweets  
you seem determined to torment me.

@briennesjourney  
i suppose it does seem that way, doesn’t it?


	12. Chapter 12

@lannistertweets  
"they lay with lions." isn't that a pleasant sight.

@lannistertweets  
I wonder what the honorable Starks would think if they saw this? might put them off their dinners.

@briennesjourney  
don’t move. burying them shouldn’t take long. and then we’ll be on our way.

@lannistertweets  
you're *serious?* we shouldn't stay here. Lord Bolton is holding these lands. his men will be crawling up and down the road. I shouldn't have to tell you what will happen if they see us.

@briennesjourney  
i know what will happen, but these women deserve better than to hang here for all to see.

@lannistertweets  
these women are dead. you can’t help them.

@briennesjourney  
what do you think these women went through before they were murdered? they don’t deserve any further humiliation.

@lannistertweets  
I know war. so I know very well what these women went through, wench. only this time, the blame can be laid on your side, not mine. what do you think of the valiant Stark army now?

@briennesjourney  
how many times do I have to tell you that my loyalty is with Lady Catelyn, and not the Stark army? now shut up and let me — there’s someone coming —

@lannistertweets  
I told you. I *told* you —

@lannistertweets  
well. let’s hope the wench is a convincing liar.   
...she’s not.

@briennesjourney  
we need to come up with a false name for you from now on so this doesn’t happen again.

@lannistertweets  
(can we discuss this when we’re not being stared down by three Stark soldiers?)

@briennesjourney

(Yes.)

* * *

@lannistertweets  
when we’re captured and dragged back I’ll say: Cat, perhaps if your son didn’t permit his men to hang women whose only crime was to smile at a Lannister soldier—and perhaps if your sworn sword wasn’t so stupidly stubborn and chivalrous—I’d be back in King’s Landing. But nooooooo

@lannistertweets  
well this is about to turn nasty

@lannistertweets  
it was nice to get some sunlight before being thrown back into a cell I suppose.

@lannistertweets  
wait 

what

@lannistertweets  
well now I guess we're back on the road because the wench just killed three men in ten seconds, which is a completely normal and fine achievement yes

@briennesjourney  
the third took a little longer.

  
@lannistertweets  
yes. I noticed that too.

  
@briennesjourney  
it had to happen that way. now, i’ll get back to burying. stay 𝙥𝙪𝙩.

  
@lannistertweets

ok.

@briennesjourney

thank you

* * *

@lannistertweets

[](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1166036732233449472)  


(three men. ten seconds.)

@lannistertweets

(still thinking about this. am more convinced than ever that we need to recruit soldiers from Tarth. the wench can be their commander.)

@lannistertweets

[](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1166095189913374720)  


yes I am still thinking about What Happened. no that's not weird. if you saw a six foot tall woman in armor kill three men in ten seconds, you'd understand

@briennesjourney

[](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1166097329688129536)  


six foot 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙚𝙚.

@lannistertweets

you are not six foot three. I'm not six foot three and you are definitely not taller than I am.

@briennesjourney

I most definitely am taller than you, you idiot.

@lannistertweets

you most definitely are not. stand closer and we'll compare.

@briennesjourney

(holds both swords protectively and steps towards him) you even have to crane your neck to look at me. definitely taller.

@lannistertweets

no. I demand that we stand back to back. it's the only accurate way to compare.

fine.

@lannistertweets

...damn.

@briennesjourney

i told you.

* * *

@briennesjourney  
Septa Roelle would be rolling in her grave.

@lannistertweets  
there's a story behind this. I know there is  
...... 

........... 

................... mayhaps.

@lannistertweets  
well?

@briennesjourney  
I’m afraid it’s not an exciting story, and I don’t want to bore you with my childhood.

@lannistertweets  
it can't be any more boring than walking in silence. I'll trade you a story for a story. tell me about Septa Roelle and I'll tell you of the dread Septa Saranella of Casterly Rock.

@briennesjourney  
I don’t want to talk about her.

@lannistertweets  
suit yourself.

@briennesjourney  
tell me about Septa Saranella.

@lannistertweets  
I don't think you understand the concept of a trade, wench. a story for a story, and I'll tell you of the Septa that terrorizes little Lannisters.

@briennesjourney  
(terrorizes? did he go through the same?)   
a nasty old woman, she was. she found some books that i had taken from my mothers collection. stories of gallant knights rescuing fair maidens... you know the kind. and..... she .. i think that’s enough story time for now. keep moving.

@lannistertweets  
stories of gallant knights? you and my sister might have gotten along, had you met as children. she and I used to swap clothes so she could run off and take my lessons from the master-at-arms.   
imagine. brienne of tarth and cersei lannister. the best of friends.

@briennesjourney  
did.... did the queen want to be a knight?

@lannistertweets  
hah! I don't think so.   
—why? do you?

@briennesjourney  
𝙉𝙤.   
Don’t be ridiculous.

@lannistertweets  
no need to bite my head off, wench. it was just a question.

@briennesjourney  
a stupid one. women can’t be knights.

@homebedcats  
Yes they can.

@lannistertweets  
can they? who would knight a woman anyhow?

@homebedcats  
If I were a king, I’d knight her ten times over.

@lannistertweets  
you wouldn’t need to be a king. any knight can make another knight.   
and you’re neither.

@homebedcats  
Sadly, that is true. If only there were someone...

@lannistertweets  
good luck finding the fool who’ll agree to it.


	13. Chapter 13

@briennesjourney  
The gods have spoken, @lannistertweets, apple stew it is.

@lannistertweets

excuse me what

@briennesjourney  
apple stew

@lannistertweets  
you just made that up.

@briennesjourney  
no i didn’t.   
look, it’s already made for you. enjoy

@lannistertweets  
you’re trying to kill me.

@briennesjourney  
that wouldn’t be any fun. eat

@lannistertweets  
what did you PUT in this?

@briennesjourney  
apples

@lannistertweets  
very funny. will you be partaking of this stew with me, my lady?

@briennesjourney  
oh no i have rabbit. thanks, though

@lannistertweets  
feeling particularly cruel today, I see.   
(obnoxious slurping sounds)

@briennesjourney  
(slurps louder)   
this is SO good

@lannistertweets  
would you like to hear something interesting?

@briennesjourney  
go on.

@lannistertweets  
this is better than your rabbit stew. you’ve outdone yourself.

@briennesjourney  
oh, I’m so pleased.   
let’s hope you still think that tomorrow.

* * *

@lannistertweets  
the wench is drilling with her sword again. let’s play: how many corrections can I shout at her before she comes back and threatens to assault me

@lannistertweets  
at this rate I hope you're turning your left foot out on purpose because you've been doing it for the past ten minutes

@briennesjourney  
do you want to be smacked? because i will smack you. and you won’t be able to talk for a week.

@lannistertweets  
(five corrections. the answer was five.)

@briennesjourney  
fuck 𝙤𝙛𝙛.

@lannistertweets  
(I noticed that she's stopped turning out her left foot, though. so you're welcome, wench.)

* * *

@lannistertweets  
(I cannot *believe* that the wench would have been stuck and moldering on Tarth if she hadn't fallen for Renly Baratheon of all people. what a colossal waste. it's appalling. we have to start recruiting from Tarth or something. will the wench agree to this? oh absolutely not)

@lannistertweets  
(wait am I staring)

@briennesjourney  
(Why does he have to *stare* all the time? Don’t they teach manners in Kings Landing?)

@briennesjourney  
(his mouth is actually agape. did i give him poisonous apples? oh no)

@lannistertweets  
(now she's looking at me. I was staring. I'm going to think about something else now excuse me)

@briennesjourney  
are you feeling ok today, Kingslayer?

@lannistertweets  
I'm fine. are *you* feeling alright? you've been landing with your left foot out again. do you need me to give you more commentary?

@briennesjourney  
you don’t want to know where my left foot is going to land in a second.

@lannistertweets  
so harsh.

* * *

@lannistertweets  
(listen. it’s normal to think a lot about things that are surprising or unusual. like how the wench can kill three men in ten seconds. or pick me up. or row all day in armor. so what if I’ve thought about these things once or twice)

@lannistertweets  
(and it’s normal to dream about things that are thought about frequently during the day. and therefore not strange)

* * *

  
@briennesjourney  
i don’t want to break his jaw but i might have to. sorry, lady catelyn

@briennesjourney  
(Or should I be apologising to the Queen? Hm.)

@lannistertweets  
I don't like that look on your face. what thoughts are going on in that head of yours, wench?  
  


@briennesjourney  
you don’t want to know. i won’t bore you with the details.

@lannistertweets  
by the look on your face it seems most uncharitable. now I'm curious.

@briennesjourney  
... is it true, what you said to lady catelyn?  
that your sister is the only person you’ve ever been with?

@lannistertweets  
...ah. so that's what's turned you so sour, is it? yes, it is true.   
choose your next words carefully, wench. I won't have you speak ill of Cersei.

@briennesjourney  
I don’t have any ill words to say.   
what was it you said before?   
we don’t choose the ones we love?

@lannistertweets  
...............I said that, yes.   
come now, you must be bursting with questions. or condemnations.

@briennesjourney  
i hear she’s the most beautiful woman in the whole of Westeros ... is that true?

@lannistertweets  
(...really? that's the question on her mind?)  
she is...

@briennesjourney  
ah

@lannistertweets  
what?

@briennesjourney  
nothing. I don’t have any other questions. and I’m in no place to condemn either of you. that’s for the gods to decide.

@lannistertweets  
really.

@briennesjourney  
really.   
apple or rabbit stew?

@lannistertweets  
how about both? it is possible to consume more than one dish in one meal, you know

@briennesjourney  
..... fine. but if you’re too full to sleep tonight, don’t blame me.

* * *

  
@lannistertweets  
(a six foot three woman in armor who can kill three men in ten seconds, hoist a man over her shoulder, row through the day without tiring, and refuses to speak ill of Cersei even when prodded. perhaps I’ve gone mad and I’m still in the Stark camp, hallucinating)

@lannistertweets  
(dreamed about Cersei. when we were younger. gods, I need to get back to King’s Landing.  
she won’t like this beard, though, I don’t look much like her with it. ha)

@lannistertweets  
(can't wait to see the look on Father's face when the wench marches up, leading me on a rope, and demands to see Sansa and Arya Stark)


	14. Chapter 14

@lannistertweets  
it has been three (3) days since the wench brought up aerys targaryen. a miracle, truly. blessed by the seven.

@briennesjourney  
haven’t forgotten, Kingslayer.

@lannistertweets  
ah, there we have it again. for a second I thought you were entertaining the possibility of getting along.   
or have you decided that you're above befriending such a honorless oathbreaker?

@briennesjourney  
ah, there we have it again. for a second I thought you were entertaining the possibility of getting along.   
or have you decided that you're above befriending such a honorless oathbreaker?

@briennesjourney  
Oathbreakers and kingslayers don’t deserve to have companions. I certainly wouldn’t befriend you, not even if you were the last person in Westeros.

@lannistertweets  
—has anyone ever told you that you're as unpleasant as you are ugly? no wonder Catelyn Stark sent you off with me. she probably couldn't wait to be rid of the armored giant plodding around after her.

@briennesjourney  
You have. More than once.   
And I’m sure your brother — what is they call him? — ah yes, The Imp! I’m sure he just loves that nickname. I’m sure he finds it so funny that people mock him for his, from what I’ve heard, less than fortunate appearance. Do you all laugh with him?

@lannistertweets  
You'll call Tyrion by his name, wench, if you know what's god for you. And keep your mouth shut where it concerns him.

@briennesjourney  
You see, The Imp and I have a lot in common. I, a *giant* as you so nicely put, and him — well, his nickname speaks for its self, doesn’t it? We didn’t choose to be this way. But you chose to put your sword into your own Kings back.

@lannistertweets  
last warning. call him Tyrion, if you must speak of him at all.

@briennesjourney  
Fine. Lord Tyrion. But it’s not nice to hear him be mocked, is it, Kingslayer?

@lannistertweets  
If we were in King's Landing and I had my sword hand free, you'd be dead where you stand. stop. talking. about Tyrion, I don't care what you say about me. I've heard worse. although admittedly you are among the worst of them.

@briennesjourney  
You missed the point entirely.

@lannistertweets  
spare me from your accusations and lectures, wench. I've had enough for one night and I tire of your voice.   
if my gaoler permits, I'd like to get some sleep now. you'll have plenty of time to bring up Aerys in the morning.

@briennesjourney  
you haven’t eaten yet. eat, and then you can sleep.

@lannistertweets  
do you know? I'm not feeling very hungry.

* * *

@lannistertweets  
(I’m sick of this. I’m sick of being shackled and tied I’m sick of being spat on and mocked I’m sick of Starks and their bannermen and stupid giant wenches and if one more person brings up Aerys Targaryen, I swear on whatever honor I have left, I’ll reenact how I killed him)

@lannistertweets  
(and while I'm at it. I hate being here. and I miss king's landing. and cersei. and tyrion. fuck.)

@lannistertweets  
(I'm going to sleep. looking forward to getting away from all this for a few hours.)

* * *

@briennesjourney  
..... are you hungry yet?

@lannistertweets  
...

@briennesjourney  
i kept some apple stew for you

@lannistertweets  
don't bother. I'm already asleep.

* * *

  
@lannistertweets  
(fine. so I’m still awake. while I’m at up: last I checked, my mother didn’t name me ‘Oathbreaker’ or Kingslayer.’ It’s almost as if I have an actual name)

@lannistertweets  
(when I said that I didn't want to dream any more strange dreams I didn't mean that I wanted to dream of Aerys Targaryen, thanks)

@lannistertweets  
(sometimes. I'm just tired.)

@lannistertweets  
(she keeps staring.)

@lannistertweets  
(if she keeps staring. what does she want from me? she says she doesn’t want my companionship and tells me to shut up, then acts like I’ve sprouted another head when I oblige.)

@lannistertweets  
(I’ve faced worse than the likes of Brienne of Tarth before. I’ll put up with it till we reach Kong’s Landing. I can ignore)  
(actually no I can’t. this journey stops now)

@briennesjourney  
(I feel like I can hear him thinking.)

@briennesjourney  
(can he tell that im concerned? i don’t want to tell him that im concerned..)

* * *

  
@briennesjourney  
(bridge or wade through the river? bridge or wade through the river? bridge or wade through the river? bridge or wade through the river? bridge or wade through the river? bridge or wade through the river? bridge or wade through the river? bridge or wade through the river?)

@lannistertweets  
never seen you look so indecisive. what will it be? trudge through a river clad in armor, leading a shackled man, or stroll over a bridge for the world to see?

@briennesjourney  
shut *up*. I’m concentrating.

@lannistertweets  
bridge or river? the longer we wait the riskier it could get. or maybe if we wait longer, it’ll get safer. a wade or a stroll?

@briennesjourney  
river. we’ll dry off in no time when we’re on the other side.

@lannistertweets  
lead the way.

@briennesjourney  
be careful. one wrong foot and you could be swept away with the current, and I’m not coming after you. is that understood?

@lannistertweets  
oh fine. I understand.

* * *

  
@lannistertweets

@briennesjourney  
it’s hard enough to wade through rocks and mud in shackles, without you yanking on the rope like that. would you mind going slower?

@briennesjourney  
yes, I would mind. come *on*.

@lannistertweets  
...I can’t. 

My foot’s stuck.

@briennesjourney  
(stops wading through the river to turn back to him) well, pull it free. I’m not doing it.

@lannistertweets  
It’s stuck. Come over here and help me before I fall on my face.

@briennesjourney  
be careful. you might get hurt. 

(wakes closer to him, eventually reaching down to grasp his leg to help him)

@lannistertweets  
(With startling speed, Jaime Lannister grabs one of the swords at her side, springing away and slicing the rope in two deftly. He tests his balance on the rocky riverbed, the sword in his hand.)

well, you were half right, wench. *someone’s* going to get hurt.

@briennesjourney  
(immediately tries to grasp his wrist, but he’s too fast for her. She stumbles back on the rocks, before pulling her own sword out, and steadies herself as she points her sword at him) 

I don’t *want* to hurt you. Give it back, and we can continue to Kings Landing.

@lannistertweets  
oh yes. we will be on our way to King's Landing, alright. or maybe just me. 

I've no idea why you thought you needed to carry two swords around. were you planning on fighting with one in each hand? 

you're quick on the draw, at least.

@briennesjourney  
(she can do nothing but just glare at him, prepared for his attack) 

this doesn’t need to happen, Kingslayer. you also made an oath to lady catelyn. don’t break another.

@lannistertweets  
(He begins to circle her, looking for an opening. Good defenses. But not as good as him.)

I thought you of all people would know the value of an oath, coming from an honorless man like me. 

(He swings the sword, slashing at her. It's on.)

@briennesjourney  
I believe — 

(shit. she cuts off mid sentence, her sword clashing with his with a grunt as she fends him off)

@lannistertweets  
Not bad. What are you going to do know, I wonder? Kill the Kingslayer and leave the Stark girls to languish in King’s Landing? 

(He moves towards the side suddenly, but it’s a feint.)

@briennesjourney  
(She doesn’t answer him, and she does not fall for his feint. She narrows her eyes at him, prepared to block his blows at any moment)

@lannistertweets  
oh? very good. let's get started for real then.

(He springs at her again, raining slashes and cuts down at her. Forwards, forwards, faster.)

@briennesjourney  
(she hates this. she hates it. another grunt, and she hits her sword against his, almost wincing at the clash of metal as she lunges forward.)

@lannistertweets  
(Slash, parry, strike and feint and strike again. It's a brawl, it's a dance. How long have they been fighting for? He circles to the left but she is there to meet him. Jaime pauses as she dodges away, startled to find that he is slightly breathless.)

not bad at all, wench.

@briennesjourney  
I told you. I have been kicking men like you into the dust since I can remember. 

(She finally bites, immediately lunging forward — not to kill, only to disarm. she hasn’t broken a sweat yet, maybe he’ll tire himself out?) 

Yield, and we can be on our way.

@lannistertweets  
(The lunge is obvious, and Jaime parries it. He’s briefly startled, once more, at the force behind the blow.)

yield? to you? never. 

(He circles away, catching his breath.)

You shouldn’t grimace like that before you lunge. It gives the game away.

@briennesjourney  
I’m stronger. And faster. It seems your old age is catching up on you. 

(narrows her eyes further as she shifts her weight, testing the rocks below her to see if they’ll allow her to kick him if he gets closer) 

Yield, and you’ll get to your family soon.

@lannistertweets  
Old? I’ll show you old.

(He attacks again. For a second his old form and skill returns to him. The blows lash out like lightning.)

@briennesjourney  
(she parries him off easily, but doesn’t move. she needs him closer if she wants to kick him. 

gods, they’ve been fighting for what seems like a lifetime.) 

you look tired, Kingslayer.

@lannistertweets  
you look like the tired one, wench. your face is quite red. 

(It can’t be easy to fight in a river, in a suit of armor. He drives in closer, trying to knock her off balance.)

@briennesjourney  
(she almost, *almost* laughs at him, but before she knows it, he’s closer and she can’t miss her chance and she can’t break her oath. she quickly makes sure the rock she’s stood on can support her, before she lifts her leg up and kicks his waist as hard as she can)

@lannistertweets  
(The world spins. Jaime curses inwardly. But he can still accomplish his original task though, and he grabs at her as he falls. They go down together into the riverbed.)

@briennesjourney  
(her sword falls from her hands and she uses this chance to wrestle her other sword from him, letting it fall beneath the surface. she uses what strength she has left to push him under the water, before letting him come up for air after a few seconds)

@lannistertweets  
(Jaime does not enjoy landing in a riverbed full of rocks. He likes what happens next even less.)

stupid—stubborn—

(When she lets him up the next time, he surges upwards, grabbing for the sword.)

@briennesjourney  
(she almost tackles him again, until she hears yet another person question her gender from the side of the river, followed by loud laughter. They’ve been caught.)

@lannistertweets  
(Jaime gets his hands on her dagger and she freezes. For a second, he thinks he has her. Then he sees what she’s looking at.)


	15. Chapter 15

@briennesjourney  
(Brienne of Tarth, member of King Renly Baratheons Kingsguard, could not protect nor save her king. Brienne of Tarth, sworn sword of Lady Catelyn Stark, could not fulfil her oath. No songs will be sung in favour of the maiden of Tarth.)

@briennesjourney  
(Lady Catelyn is going to be so disappointed.)

@lannistertweets  
well now we’re both tied up. I hope the wench is happy now.

@briennesjourney  
this is your fault. all yours. you know that, don’t you?

@briennesjourney  
Brave Jaime Lannister, trying to save his own bloody life. And now look where you’ve got us. Tied up, back to back, on a bloody horse. Heading in the opposite direction of Kings Landing.

@lannistertweets  
Keep your voice down. Did you have to loudly proclaim that you were a woman?

@briennesjourney  
i am *tired* of being mocked, and they asked. why are you so bothered by it?

@lannistertweets  
this would have been the one good moment for you to pass as a man, and you’re more than capable of it. what do you think these men are going to do with a woman they’ve captured?

@briennesjourney  
I’m big and strong and ugly enough to fight them.

@lannistertweets  
all of them? don’t be ridiculous. they’ll kick your ribs in. they’ll kill you.

@briennesjourney  
like you just tried to do mere moments ago? don’t act like you care about me or my *virtue*. you don’t give a damn about anyone but yourself.

@lannistertweets  
I—that’s—  
gods, I don’t know why I bother. they’re about to *hurt* you, do you understand that? but if you fight, they’ll hurt you even more.

@briennesjourney  
so, you’re telling me NOT to defend myself? just to lay back and let them do what they want? would YOU let that happen?

@lannistertweets  
(if I were a woman I would force them to kill me. but I can’t exactly tell her that.)

just...when horrible things happen, it’s good to...go away inside. go somewhere else. think of Tarth, think of Renly. I used to think of Casterly Rock, and Cersei, and I got through it all.

* * *

  
@briennesjourney  
(tarth. renly. tarth. waterfalls. tarth. renly. father. happy thoughts, brienne. only happy thoughts.   
why is she thinking of *him* now? no, think of renly. and the dancing.)

@briennesjourney  
(Now we’re being tied to a tree. Separate trees. Why do I want to be near him?)

@briennesjourney  
(Renly. Summer afternoons with Galladon. Drinking tea by the fire in winter. Renly. Fathers voice. Tarth. Fathers laugh. Renly. Breaking Ser Humphrey’s ribs. Tarth. Ser Jaime.)

@briennesjourney  
they’re doing it. they’re unchaining me from the tree. it isn’t supposed to happen this way.   
I will fight. I will scream. I will bite. I will not make this easy.

@lannistertweets  
(damn. damn. I can hear them talking about it. what the fuck do I do now?)

@lannistertweets  
(I’m going to hear them, when they do it to her. will they beat her? will she scream? or just cry out like Queen Rhaella? no, go away inside, far inside.)

@lannistertweets  
(okay I have an idea. excuse me.)

@lannistertweets  
(no. not again. I won’t stand by and listen to this again.)

@lannistertweets  
I hope the Goat likes jewels.

@lannistertweets  
that...worked?  
I can’t believe that worked.

* * *

  
@lannistertweets  
well the wench is back. 

she’s quiet. but she’s alright.

@lannistertweets  
wench, you should be thanking the gods who made you into a giantess. otherwise “her weight in sapphires” would have been a much less convincing ransom.

@briennesjourney  
......  
thank you

@lannistertweets  
lucky for you that Tarth is the Sapphire Isle.   
wait, hold on

* * *

  
@lannistertweets  
they want to talk to me about something?   
oh well. hold on, I’ll be right back

@briennesjourney  
don’t go

@lannistertweets  
no, it’s all right, I think. be right back

@briennesjourney

@lannistertweets  
ok

* * *

  
@briennesjourney  
where are they taking him

@briennesjourney  
where is he going

@briennesjourney  
I can’t shake this feeling. This isn’t right.

@briennesjourney  
they’ve taken him away. i don’t like it. these men are not to be trusted

@briennesjourney  
why is he screaming

@briennesjourney  
what have they done? I demand to know

@briennesjourney  
they need to bring him back to me

@briennesjourney  
oh gods. oh gods oh gods oh gods 

this is awful. this isn’t right at all

@briennesjourney  
surely they can’t be this cruel 

why would they do that 

why would they take his hand

@briennesjourney  
they’ve put him next to me. on the same tree. I.... i can hear him sniffling

@briennesjourney  
someone’s coming back. fuck

@briennesjourney  
they’ve put it around his neck. cruel bastards

@briennesjourney  
(doesn’t speak. but shuffles the tiniest bit closer, enough so that she’s close enough and able to reach out and place her hand over his left)

@briennesjourney  
(so. much. blood. he’s going to die if this doesn’t stop. what do i do? I’ve changed the rags four times since he came back.)

@briennesjourney  
(at least he’s still awake, but gods, his hand is beginning to smell. I won’t mention this to him though. he’s cried enough.)

@briennesjourney  
he’s so quiet. apart from his crying.

@briennesjourney  
(watches as Jaime curls up in her lap, and cards her fingers through his hair. she ignores the sniggers from the other men; this is the most peaceful he’s looked since it happened.)

@briennesjourney  
he needs a Maester, not me


	16. Chapter 16

@lannistertweets  
make it stop

@lannistertweets  
it burns

@lannistertweets  
I can smell it

@briennesjourney  
You can’t. You’re imagining it. How do you feel? Do you need water? I have some left.

@lannistertweets  
please

@briennesjourney  
can you hold it or do you need help?

@lannistertweets  
—hold it for me

@briennesjourney  
(holds the waterskin to his lips, and glances down at his hand, dangling from his neck)   
we’ll get rid of it when we’re riding tomorrow. they won’t notice until we stop to make camp for the evening.

@lannistertweets  
(he barely registers what she’s saying. he’s too busy gulping down water as quickly as he can. too quickly. he coughs and gasps. he can hear them laughing again. they’re still laughing.)

@briennesjourney  
(she takes it from him after he splutters, wiping his face with her sleeve) 

pay no heed to them. 

pathetic men is all they are and all they will be.

* * *

@lannistertweets

[](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1167872606113894402)  


it's gone. it's really gone

@lannistertweets

[](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1167861444546662400)  


they’re laughing at me

* * *

@briennesjourney

[](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1167862301648515074)  


(he didn’t deserve that. was it my fault? no. they would have done it any way. they’re cruel.)

@briennesjourney

[](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1167874817233539074)  


(where is the man who would argue at every turn? where is the man who called me wench? they took Jaime Lannister and brought back a stranger. I wish he hadn’t saved me.)

@briennesjourney

[](https://twitter.com/briennesjourney/status/1167870047223603200)  


wound has been cleaned with wine, but it’s still very much open. it needs to be cauterized. i don’t know if i can.

@briennesjourney

i have to. they’re not going to do it.

* * *

@briennesjourney

here, bite on this rag, please.

@lannistertweets

what? no no what are you doing

@briennesjourney

𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦. I don’t want to do it. We need to get it over with. It’ll make the healing process.... easier.

@lannistertweets

no. no leave it

@briennesjourney

(glances to the fire, and then his wrist)

@lannistertweets

just leave it

@briennesjourney

I... I’m really sorry... (she pins him down on the dirt, grasping his forearm and pulls it towards the fire)

@lannistertweets

no. no don't. don't. let me go just leave me be don't do it brienne don't

@briennesjourney

(she’s not going to cry while doing this. she will not. they’re laughing even harder now. she will not cry — she already is. shit.) hold still (pulls him to the fire, cauterising his wound before she pulls it away and rips the cap off her wineskin and immediately pours it over his wound.) 

@lannistertweets

[](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1167890954629476353)  


(he'd thought the pain couldn't get worse. he was wrong.) gods. gods be good. why did—I can't—why

@briennesjourney  
you know why. it had to be done.   


(wraps a new rag around his wound, tying it tightly to his wrist and pushes the tears away from her cheek as she climbs off him)  


@lannistertweets  
(Jaime lies in the dirt, shaking.)  


@briennesjourney  


(sits against their tree, taking deep breaths. she has to collect herself. years of training yet nothing prepared her for this) sit up. you have to sit up. don’t make yourself an easier target.   


(eventually she gets up, and hauls him up and over to the tree)  


@lannistertweets  


(Jaime goes along with it. He rests his head against the rough bark, trying to go away.)  


@briennesjourney  
stay with me.  


@lannistertweets  
(He tries to, for a second. But why should he? He can feel the world growing further away, muffled. Like he's standing at a distance, watching himself.)

* * *

@lannistertweets

[](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1167884286457810944)  


(why can't I stop shaking why does it still hurt why can I still feel my fingers moving)

@lannistertweets

[](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1167885540173025280)  


(WHY DIDN'T THEY JUST KILL ME)

* * *

@briennesjourney  
eat your bread. don’t make me feed you.

@lannistertweets  
you eat it.

@briennesjourney  
Lannister, I’ll sit atop of you and force it down your throat.

@lannistertweets  
as determined as ever, I see.   
save the bread and eat it yourself. I won't need it.

@briennesjourney  
more so.   
and why won’t you need it? are you planning to dine with the other men tonight?

@lannistertweets  
I don't want it.  
and I couldn't eat it even if I wanted to. my throat's gone raw.

@briennesjourney  
fine. but you’ll eat tomorrow.

@lannistertweets  
I'll eat if it pleases me.

@briennesjourney  
you will eat.

@lannistertweets  
I told you. save your strength and eat the bread yourself. I'm tired.

@briennesjourney  
no. I’ll keep it so you can break your fast tomorrow.   
I know you’re tired, but you have to eat.   
The Jaime Lannister I know is not craven. You have to eat, you have to live, and you have to take revenge.

@lannistertweets  
...what did you call me?

@briennesjourney  
No one ever described the famous Jaime Lannister as a coward. Don’t let them start. Live. Go home to your sister. Avenge what they did.   
Worse happens to less fortunate people every single day. Get a grip of yourself, Lannister.

@lannistertweets  
...get a *grip*...?

and I'm supposed to go back to King's Landing and do what? what's the use of me now?

@briennesjourney  
train with the left. it’ll be hard and it’ll take time but you’re supposed to be one of the greatest swordsmen or Westeros. i’ll be disappointed if you give up.

@lannistertweets  
you'll be *disappointed.* and that's supposed to motivate me?  
(...does it? seven hells.)

@briennesjourney  
shut up and listen to me

@lannistertweets  
I am listening. there's little else to do.

@briennesjourney  
you couldn’t hear me earlier.

@lannistertweets  
I couldn't?...when?   
(genuine confusion)

@briennesjourney  
after the fire. you... your eyes were open but you weren’t there

@lannistertweets  
oh. I suppose that could have happened.

@briennesjourney  
is that what you meant? when you told me to go inside before they...

@lannistertweets  
yes. yes, it was.

@briennesjourney  
ah.   
I.... am sorry that I had to do it. They should have done it.

@lannistertweets  
...either way, it would have hurt. at least you were quick about it.

@briennesjourney  
because i didn’t want you to suffer any more than you had to.

@lannistertweets  
(Looking at her is suddenly too much for him. Jaime turns his head up to look at the stars. He wonders if he can keep going.)

@briennesjourney  
(Places her hand next to his. she’s not as confident to hold his again, but their pinkies touch)   
you know that Tarth is called the sapphire isle because of the blue water.

@lannistertweets  
of course I knew. those men don’t, though, so you may want to keep quieter about it.

@briennesjourney  
why did you do it?

@lannistertweets  
why did I lie? I doubted that a little backwater isle could scrape up a ransom that suits Vargo Hoat. "her weight in sapphires" is much more convincing than "300 gold dragons" or however much your father could give.

you're lucky I'm so dishonorable. it makes lies come easily.

@briennesjourney  
I meant why did you lie for me?   
there was only honor in that lie.

@lannistertweets  
.................................

yes. well. you're already unpleasant enough to look at without a swollen and bruised face. perhaps I wanted to spare myself the sight.

@briennesjourney  
(she half laughs, half almost sobs. although his words hurt her, she has missed him.)   
piss off.

@lannistertweets  
(Jaime still can't bring a smile to his face, but he blinks at her and arranges himself against the tree he's tied to. His hand burns. He's so tired.)

* * *

@lannistertweets

(craven?)

@lannistertweets

(live? go home? take revenge?)

@lannistertweets

[](https://twitter.com/lannistertweets/status/1167939522945904643)  


(has anyone ever named me a craven before?)

@lannistertweets

(yes. I've decided. a Lannister always pays his debts. I owe a debt to these Bloody Mummers now, and to Brienne of Tarth. and I'll pay both. with interest.)


End file.
